Sam

Wait! u dont think tht i'm gunna talk abt Sam Winchester, rite? Cz i'm not gunna do tht. I mean not this time..

Now, i'll tell abt another Sam..

He's someone tht i used to know. He's my friend. We're bff, u know, hahahhaha. He knows abt mr. H and mr. D.. Idk why, i always tell everything to him. Everything abt my feelings, my family, my absurd jokes, everything, even the vulgar ones, hahaha dont get me wrong. 

for example:

My dad told me to not wear t-shirt to church and i said to him "if i dont wear it, so wht to wear? Just a bra to church? its nut!" and my dad just laughed. I told tht to sam and sam did the same thing, he laughed. Andri said tht i should not tell ths to Sam cz he's a boy. Its too vulgar. But, Sam never complains me abt tht.. I think he's okay with tht.

He's a cool guy, not my type actualy. He cant make me laugh. His jokes dont work on me. But idk, somehow he makes me feel save. comfort. but awkward in the same time.

idk wht makes me wanna tell him abt my first love. Maybe bcz he talks rarely. Maybe bcz he's younger than me. Tapi dia suka bilang kalo kita seumuran.. he's 5 months younger than me, it is younger, isnt?

He said tht he's my fan.. he's kidding.. 

He said tht i'm beautiful, i know he's kidding cz i'm not beautiful, i'm handsome -___-

his typcal gf:

baik, lucu, enak dilihat

Dari ketiga kriteria itu, neng cuman memenuhi kriteria yang terakhir, hahhahha. 

He's like my dad too much! 

one of my cell group member told tht he has a naughty sister. He cant stand. And Sam told him to love his sister. Its what exactly my dad always says to me. Everytime i angry to my brothers, my dad says 'love ur brothers!'.. I think dad doesnt really know wht love is. I dont want my brothers do the wrong things. When sam told so, for a second i saw my dad on him.

So, wht make me feel save around him? maybe cz he's like my dad.

A lot of things tht i dont like from him. I dont like the way Sam looks ppl. Idk, i just dont. Everytime i talk w him, i push my self to look at his eyes, cz its hard. He has strange glance.

I dont like his music.

i dont like his kindness.. He's such a good guy and i dont like it.

i dont like the way he treats all of his fans.

he says 'biasa aja' for almost everything and i dont like it.

when he plays guitar, i think he imitates someone, idk who, but i think the way he plays its not really him. So i dont like it.

i dont like him when he wears yellow. its not fit on him.

kta sering berantem buat hal yang ga penting, itu juga gasuka. cz kalo udah berantem kita suka gasadar kalo ada orang2 yang ngeliatin kita.

etc etc

he always tells me tht i can get mr. D in my hand.. I think he has bigger faith than i do abt tht. He believes tht i can get along with mr.D. And me? i never think tht far. 

Like Sapardi Djoko Damono, i'm gunna say

aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana

dengan kata yang tak sempat diucapkan

kayu kepada api yang menjadikannya debu

aku ingin mencintaimu dengan sederhana

dengan isyarat yang tak sempat tersampaikan

awan kepada hujan yang menjadikannya tiada

yeah, for me love is tht simple. i dont have to have the one tht i love, i think. It will be complicated when i push my self to get him.

Sam knows my typical bf, so if u like me, ask him everything abt me, my fav color, my fam, my dad, my fav music, my first love, etc..

i did something wrong to sam, i think he wont believe me anymore. He doesnt hav to sih sebenernya. Too much mistakes tht i made. I just wanna treat him well after these. 

does he want to listen to me anymore?

does he want to tell me his secrets anymore?

i guess not.

Sorry, sam..

Sorry, i dont hav courage to say these things to u.

Sorry, to said tht to her, cz i thought she had to know.

Sorry, i dont tell u abt tht blonde guy. Honestly, idk. am i in love with him or not. Its too silly, u know.. I dont tell u a thing cz idk wht to tell. Its too crazy for me. Okay, no excuse. the fact is i lied to u. sorry for tht.

Sorry sam.. 

u know wht, its hard to not tell anything abt me to u. i feel like something's missing and idk wht it is.

i bet u wont wanna listen to me anymore, rite sammy?

and hey, kenapa sih kamu suka nanya pertanyaan yg menyudutkan? ky sms kamu yg terakhir ..hahhahaa..

p.s: after this post maybe, ur fans are gunna after me.. and my fans are gunna after u to ask everything abt me... get ready for those!!